Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
