I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
