Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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