Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
