I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
