you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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