Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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