I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
