he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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