moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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