so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
