Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
