I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
