No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I got inside last night via doggy door
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
