her vagine was all disorganized.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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