Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
