i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I would fuck him just for his dog
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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