Umm I'm too high to move.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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