I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
What a dumb baby whore.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
