Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
