did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
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literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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