I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
