put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
