I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
