He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You left your phone here
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