I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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