i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm getting married
To pizza
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
