he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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