this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
bring money and cleavage
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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