This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she peed on how many people?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
