just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
