we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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