ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
