absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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