Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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