Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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