oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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