Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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