Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
