I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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