Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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