dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
