I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
