Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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