fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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