turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
