It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize