Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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