what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
