i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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