He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
