last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
