come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
