one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
