Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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