I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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