I think my vagina is haunted
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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