he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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