I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
