need another drink. this is the easiest way
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
