Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
