really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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