Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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