when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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